Motherhood Doesn’t Mean Erasing You

It’s Mother’s Day this weekend. And it got me thinking about my mom journey, which will officially conclude later this year when my youngest moves out (but really that journey already has concluded). This is a hard holiday for some people. I hear of many young mothers who feel completely drained and trapped by motherhood. And of course, it wouldn’t be fair to simplify all the reasons that can happen. But I’d like to share my perspective on one aspect of fulfillment in motherhood—the idea that you don’t have to abandon yourself just because you’re a mom.

I became a mother two weeks after I turned 20. Yes, I was a pregnant teenager, but I was also married when I got pregnant. In fact, I got married two months after I graduated high school at the tender age of eighteen (which I don’t recommend). I didn’t go through that period of finding myself and doing all the fun things before raising children became a reality, so you’d think I, of all people, would have felt robbed or unfulfilled in some way. But I didn’t, and I wasn’t. I loved being a mother. My children were my whole world, as is the case for most moms.

Despite raising children at such a tender age, I never felt like I needed to give up who I was—and I think this was a major key in my ability to love being a mom. Motherhood became an expansion of my identity and roles rather than something that caused me to lose myself. I didn’t feel like I had to choose between me or my kids. I simply figured out, over time, how to include me in motherhood. And no, I did not do this perfectly. Some seasons required more focus and less balance.

I spent a lot of time with my kids every day, and ended up homeschooling them for 23 years. In addition to that, I was in a very emotionally difficult situation for most of their lives. And it was hard. Early on I realized that I needed time to develop my interests and immerse myself in creative pursuits—I intuitively felt that, for me, this was especially important. So, I would set up a card table in the family room while my kids played and I would sew, arrange flowers, toll paint and craft. Or when they played in the yard, I’d take a blanket out and read or write. During quiet time each afternoon, or after the kids went to bed, I’d write music and sing away my stress. Did I get interrupted, yes. Was it easy, no. But it gave balance to my life and feed me through what was, in many ways, a very difficult life.

Motherhood requires sacrifice. We lay aside many things for the sake of those we love, but we don’t have to give up who we are, or feel guilty for investing in ourselves. In fact, in today’s world, it’s more important than ever to care for your well-being as a mother. And It’s okay if the kitchen isn’t clean—those dishes aren’t going anywhere. It’s okay if you forgot to track all the milestones in the baby book—that kid will probably never look at them anyway. And it’s okay to laugh and play and dance with your kids and then go cycling, or scrapbook, or whatever you love to do. We don’t have to be perfect, or buy the lie that life needs to have the appearance of perfection, as social media has so aptly taught us.

The reward? For me… I got to watch those children that I was blessed to raise grow and pursue passions of their own: pageant winner, author, medal winner at power lifting competitions, piano prodigy performances, drumming in a band after only a few months of playing, performing for crowds, writing original songs, trying new things, and becoming successful adults. I view my kids as fearless in the pursuit of their interests. If they want something they go for it. And I can only hope, that in some small way, my example of pursuing what I love helped fuel that within them.

Be you. Your kids need to see you try, fail, grow, and try again. Now, more than ever, they need permission to be human. And they need to see you shine, so they know that they can shine too.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Disclaimer: The content of this website is intended for personal reflection and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified professional medical, psychological, or spiritual advice. By engaging with the content in this podcast, through any source—in person or online—you are agreeing to the terms and conditions in our liability and release waivers. The links are posted in the show notes and on our website. All views expressed — including interpretations of scripture or spiritual practice — reflect the host’s personal experience and are not affiliated with any specific church or institution. Please take what resonates with your journey, and leave the rest with care.